• There are just two different ways to do things — my way and incorrect way
  • Kids ought to be seen however not heard
  • It’s wrong for kids to be frantic at their parent
  • Try not to be more successful than your dad
  • Try not to be more joyful than your mom
  • Try not to lead your own life
  • Absolutely never quit needing me.
  • Self-governance
  • Obligation
  • Autonomy
  • The feeling of self-esteem and sufficiency
  1. Constantly criticizing
  2. Using physical pain to discipline
  3. Getting drunk or using drugs in front of the kids
  4. Depressed and emotionally unavailable parents
  5. A child taking care of the parent
  6. Anything that needs to be kept secret
  7. Being frightened of caretakers
  8. Being afraid to express anger towards parents
  1. All major decisions have to be approved by parents (or there’s unconscious pressure)
  2. An intense emotional reaction to spending time with parents
  3. Being afraid to disagree with parents
  4. Money manipulations
  5. Feeling responsible for how parents feel
  6. No matter what you do, it is never good enough for parents
  7. Deep down you hope that your parents will change for the better someday
  1. You expect the worst from people and life in general
  2. You don’t know very well who you are, what you feel and what you are
  3. You are afraid people wouldn’t like you if they knew the real you
  4. You feel like a fraud
  5. You get angry or sad for no apparent reason (emotional flashbacks)
  6. You have a hard time relaxing or having a good time
  7. You are a perfectionist
  8. In a way, you find yourself behaving like your parents, even if you don’t want to
  • Practice self-definition and figure out how to attest your own will by figuring out how to express anger
  • Become proactive in correspondence and stand up to your parents if necessary
  • Break the cycle and ensure you don’t force toxicity on your children

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store