Thriving in solitude

I remember pre-adulthood when the number of friends a person had almost determined their self-worth. Like, the more friends and more invites you got to go places and stuff like that, And the need for it almost created this desperation — this desperation to belong. But I guess when you grow older, I realized that a person worth has nothing to do with the number of people they’re surrounded with, or how many times a week they hang out with friends. In fact, it has nothing to do with anyone else at all. While others may help boost and re-assure you — your sense of self-worth has everything to do with you. And I think realizing that, is one of the most liberating things, because you stop seeking validation externally (which can be really dangerous) and you start seeking it internally instead. And also, I think enjoying being alone is just a by-product of growing older.
One day I sat down and asked myself how many people do I consider my friends?
People I would call at any time and open up to? People whom I know are always there for me and genuinely want what’s best for me? I landed at two. Maybe three.
And today, I want to talk about some reasons why I… have fewer friends I guess. Now, this is not to try to encourage you to have fewer friends or more friends. However, many or few friends someone chooses to keep in their circle is none of anyone else’s business. Here I am spilling all my business. Anyway, First reason: I simply like alone time. Although I value who is in my life, I also value me-time very highly and love it dearly. It is for selfish reasons, which in this instance, is totally fine. Anything that protects your peace without harming anyone else is encouraged. I just like doing what I enjoy and to explore my interests and creativity by myself. And my next point or reason is that: learning to enjoy my solitude has created more trust in myself regarding making decisions for myself. I think when we have lots of friends and people in our lives, we’re quick to turn to them whenever there’s any turbulence in our lives, and we allow ourselves, consciously or not, to become influenced by their opinions, Often before we’ve given ourselves a chance to understand what’s going on first, and it’s not always a healthy kind of influence, I think when you learn to sit with any issue or thought by yourself first, you’ll learn to make better decisions for yourself. Because usually, we know ourselves and what’s best for us more than anyone else does. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t ask people for advice, I myself do it often, but don’t run your life based on what someone else thought or said, without giving yourself a chance to figure it out first. Another reason I think it’s important is that not everyone is worth sharing aspects of your life with! Whether it’s your personal turbulence or your joy. I think people have this fantasy idea that everyone wants what’s best for them. Not everyone does. I’ve had, “people” who’ve just tried to pick apart and trash anything I’ve been excited or happy about. I remember telling some people that I will work online and learn new skills, and some response I was met with was pure negativity, There weren’t many encouraging, constructive conversations at all It mostly just went like, “oh… really? Okay… but what’s the use of it?” why you wants to do that?.” And if I wasn’t, someone who trusted myself and trusted my own judgment, I would’ve never tried and learned anything. You’ve probably been in a similar situation, where there’s this person or multiple people whom you don’t even want to share the news with, good or bad because you know their reaction and response will be a pure disappointment. Gently and politely kick those people out of your life. Like, personally, if a friend tells me they want to do and learn new things, I’ll literally start googling right away, “how to do that” and try to help them achieve it. And if you don’t have someone in your life who focuses on the possibilities, or even if you do, you better be that person for yourself.

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